I was a loser without a job. Then someone gave me The Sims for Christmas.
Since I had no job, it was easy to spend all night playing until the wee hours
of dawn. Palying the Sims changed my life! I learned that it didn't matter
what my job was. All I had to do was go. You take any job in the paper and
ZOOM go off in the junker car that doesn't have any insurance. SOON SOON!!!
(Nobody cares about auto insurance in the Sim world, and we shouldn't either!)
When you get home you have your friends over. You can dance and socialize,
even play the piano and order pizza! There's always a bit of money to fix
up the house and that's the most fun part. Time stops as you glaze over listening
to the piped in sales music and select furniture and appliances--just like
in real life! Shopping doesn't even cause any stress since the numbers just
change on the screen. The next day at work you get more numbers! Easy money!
(Granted, the clock doesn't seem to spin so fast when you're at your real,
dull day job...)
What's also excellent about the Sims? There's no career fullfilment! No one
cares. There's no pressure at all. Nobody cares what anybody's job is. It's
more exciting to hang out with friends at the pool for a swim party. The more
money you make the more you have to buy cool stuff like a pinball machine
or virtual reality headset.
That's what I learned from The Sims. And the best thing about it is there's
always a way out. Like when my sim Mike Elder lost his daredevil wife and
maximum peg active daughter in a house fire (we didn't have a fire alarm or
a phone to call for help) and was so depressed crying over the two urns that
he lost his job, had his bed and toilet reposessed and wet his pants standing
by the bush, there was always that ever present option of bulldozing it all
and starting all over. After he ran out of his last bag of chips, I did bulldoze
it.
And so there it is in real life. When you run out of your last bag of chips
and can't even seem to pee in the bushes anymore, you can always get a do-over.
You can get a loan to go to college or you can start a simple business or
you can join the Church (They're looking for people these days). There's always
a "bulldozer" nearby to help you start the game all over.
The most important thing to remember is it's just a game. You might as well
have fun while playing. Good, clean fun. Like pizza and a game of pinball!
A rockin'!
The narrator in this article is by no means related to any real or live person. This is merely a parody of a situation and should be read as such.
© June 2003 The Snooze. All rights reserved.